Wednesday, July 17, 2013


Here we are, in Paris, where (according to Wikipedia) there are at least 153 of them, ranging from the Musée de l'Erotisme in Montmartre to the Louvre in The Tuileries. It's a city rife with historical significance and its feet firmly planted in the arts.  So I suppose not giving a shit is a pretty crass thing to say. But I'm tired of pretending, of keeping up appearances. So I'll say it again: I don't give a shit about museums.

Today Jeff and I spent a rare day apart. (I can count on one hand the days we've spent solo in the last 6 months.) He blissfully meandered through the Louvre, the audio commentary filling his brain with wonderful tidbits. And I marched around outside, my headphones playing music instead, buying hats and looking at the buildings and the street signs and the gazillion ancient bits Paris has to offer. Because, get this: The whole city is a museum. Even the janky uptown apartment we rented is a testament to another time, with its rounded walls and thick mouldings, layered in paint. Ironwork encases the windows and the pipes rattle under vintage plaster.

Because Paris is old.

And so when Jeff wanted to spend a day with Aphrodite and Mona (incidentally, the only Mona I ever cared about was a redheaded Robinson) I happily opted out. And he happily let me. (I'm a monster without air conditioning and he'd sooner throw himself in La Seine than deal with me at a museum.) I did my thing, and he did his. Then I met him at 7:30 with a bottle of wine and a picnic on the riverbank. Perfection.

But here's what: If I could have a private tour with a witty docent who slyly dropped tidbits about the sexual deviancies of the artists, I'd be all-in. But, after Angkor Wat and the Parthenon, I can't handle places that are busting at the seams with tourists. Even if they're couture seams. I'm just not willing to fight through a crowd to get 15 feet from a mediocre painting of some woman who appears less-interested than me. That's right. I just said that. 

(I'll happily wander around outside the Louvre all day long. It's enormous and beautiful from every angle. Paris is the most magnificent city I've seen, with parks and avenues and gardens for days. The Metro is efficient, there's bread on every corner, and the men are hot. It's a near-perfect place. Last three photos by Jeff, from inside the Louvre. A crowd 15-deep gathers in front of the Mona Lisa. Ugh. I'd rather eat croissant and I know many of you out there agree. Stop fronting.)

LOCATION: Paris, France
DATE AND TIME: Wednesday, July 17, 2013 11:15PM Central European Time/Wednesday, July 17, 2013 5:15PM EST


  1. This is why we love you, Jason. And, for the record, never set foot inside a single museum while we were in Paris either. [fist bump]

  2. How did you get the last shot without stepping inside the louvre????

  3. And yes..I feel the same. When traveling, I don't enter a single museum. I want to wander through streets, know it's people, markets..this is way much fun

  4. Hey Anonymous, I levitated.
    (Read the notes under the photos. Jeff took those last few.)

  5. Forget Kris Kardashian, if I ever become want to become famous for nothing I'm hiring Mona's press person.

  6. I spent 6 weeks in Florence and did not go to the Uffizi gallery. And I was there taking art courses. :o

  7. Dude, thank you for saying this! I always feel like we SHOULD go to the museum when we're in some beautiful European city but I feel exactly like you do... meh.

  8. "I'm just not willing to fight through a crowd to get 15 feet from a mediocre painting of some woman who appears less-interested than me."

    Spot on.

  9. Hilarious and refreshing to hear, thank you!