Thursday, February 14, 2013

THIS TRIP COMES AT A TIME IN THE CALENDAR RIFE WITH REFLECTION. A new year. That solemn period in winter when you hunker down and ruminate. And although we've set sail on a circuit chasing the sun, my brain is hardwired to associate February with anxious consideration. Sporadically, my mind races, wondering what I might've left loose in Toronto. What life will look like this year, and what it might look like when the trip is over, when we go home.

But, technically speaking, we're homeless. House-less, I should say, because somehow we've managed to make a home in several places so far. Since we left Toronto, I've confirmed what I always suspected to be true (and what truck commercials set in Arizona want us to believe) - That where we are, home is. 

Formative experiences tend to remind us of previous ones. Growth of any kind can dredge previous discomforts and present them in a new light.

The last few years have been kind of major, in that way. I turned 30 and all the things they say about that seem to be true. The shift into adulthood or, more rightly, growing the F up. For me it's been an exercise in taking responsibility, owning my shit, and being more accountable and compassionate. 

Did I mention we've been seeing a psychotherapist for 2 years? 

I've never figured out how I want to discuss that here, but not because we're cagey about it. We find ourselves talking about it all the time. I'm super proud of the work we've done and the process in general; I recommend it to any couple. Culturally we think we're fully-equipped to deal with adult relationships - how they develop, what each person brings to them, how individual turmoil affects things - But, well, that's just not true. We do not come into this world prepared to productively process all of it. The things we've learned about each other and the tips and tricks acquired will most certainly move us forward, into our 10th year together, and beyond.

Aside from big picture shit, a trip like this brings to light all of our individual quirks and how they collide, if allowed. It's a daily exercise in patience. A microscope on the foibles that might've wrecked us before, but can be navigated with a deep breath and a moment of quiet. These are things we've worked hard on. We pause to avoid upset. We're careful not to pull triggers, and increasingly less likely to bear the brunt of a misguided bullet. It's a master class in marriage, this kind of intensive togetherness. And we're doing it. 

The adventure here is not in what we do in each place, but rather in the immersion of ourselves into a life somewhere else. Playing house in 50 different places. Where we are, home is, and the details are just pretty to look at.

True Valentine (February 14, 2011)
Boys to Men (July 12, 2010)


  1. Good one. Wisdom AND romance. Realistic romance? Intensive togetherness!

  2. Bravo! I'm inspired by you two.